What is attraction?

Interest, desire, or affinity that is characterized as emotional, romantic, sexual, physical, or artistic in nature is called attraction. Whatever shape your support system takes, attraction plays a critical role in helping you connect with others and develop relationships.

When you first met someone, have you ever had the impression that you've known them forever? you find yourself pulled to someone else right away without really being attracted to them physically?

If so, you've probably felt the pull of emotional attraction, when your interest is piqued more by someone's humor, intellect, or heart than by their physical attractiveness.

“Many people go on a date looking for a ‘spark,’” says licensed psychotherapist Rachel Hellstein. “The tricky thing about that feeling is that it’s often more reflective of a physical attraction or sexual chemistry.”

Emotional attraction is a different, deeper type of attraction, she explains, because it not only draws you to someone, but keeps you feeling connected in a lasting, meaningful way.

And unlike physical attraction, it’s often developed based on things like the other person’s values, their personality, and how they show they care.

Why does it matter?

There are numerous ways to be attracted, and you might be attracted to more than one thing at once.

Understanding the complex and multidimensional nature of attraction aids in our understanding of our own emotions as well as the boundaries we must establish in order to guarantee that they are acknowledged and accepted.

Take a look at this breakdown of the various forms of attraction. We also define terminology that illustrate the nuanced distinctions between various forms of attraction.

Emotional attraction

This type of attraction isn’t necessarily physical in nature and is rooted in a desire for connection because of someone’s heart, mind, or personality.

Alterous

This encapsulates the want for an emotional bond and emotional intimacy that neither "romantic" nor "platonic" seem to adequately explain.

The word "romantic" as a key descriptor or focal point for various sorts of attraction can also imply unease or de-identification.

Attachment

Attachment refers to a type of bond or connection that’s often necessary or present in committed or long-term relationships of any kind.

Attachment can be a factor in relationships with:

friends
children
parents
caregivers
family members
loved ones
Intellectual

This type of attraction isn’t necessarily physical in nature and is rooted in a desire for connection due to someone’s intelligence.

Love

This is a deep or passionate feeling of connection or affection that often involves an element of emotional attachment.

The meaning of love and things associated with love can vary from person to person, relationship to relationship, and across cultures.

Passion

This describes feelings of deep desire, intense emotion, or strong enthusiasm.

Platonic

This is the nonsexual or nonromantic desire to be in a relationship with someone. Friendships, for example, are often platonic.

Protective

This describes attraction toward those who require caretaking, such as a child, pet, or loved one.

Social

This describes those who are generally well-liked by the majority. A person who’s socially attractive is typically also someone many people want to be around.

Squish

The desire for a strong, nonromantic relationship that often includes elements of emotional depth or intimacy.

It’s considered the nonromantic version of a crush.

Zucchini

Also known as a queerplatonic partner, zucchinis are people engaged in queerplatonic relationships.

Romantic attraction

This can describe a deep emotional interest or connection that isn’t purely physical or sexual in nature.

Alloromantic

This describes people who experience romantic attraction.

Amatonormativity

A social force that presumes romantic relationships are more ideal or “the norm” for everyone, subsequently viewing this type of relationship as more valid than or superior to others.

Aromantic

Also known as “aro,” this identifier describes the spectrum of people who experience little to no romantic attraction or desire for a romantic relationship.

Autoromantic

This describes those who experience romantic attraction to oneself.

Biromantic

Being attracted to people of different genders romantically is described as this.

It only indicates that a person is attracted to people of other genders; it doesn't specify which genders they are drawn to romantically.

Crush

The object of someone’s romantic attraction or the desire for a romantic relationship with someone.

Demiromantic

On the aromantic spectrum, demiromantic describes those who only experience romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection.

Grayromantic

On the aromantic spectrum, grayromantic describes someone who rarely experiences romantic attraction, or only experiences romantic attraction under particular circumstances.

Heteroromantic

This describes those who are romantically attracted to members of the “opposite” sex or gender.

Homoromantic

This describes those who feel romantic attraction to members of the same sex or gender.

Panromantic

This describes someone who’s capable of experiencing romantic attraction to people of all gender identities.

Generally speaking, gender and sex don’t play a major role in governing romantic attraction for those who are panromantic.

Polyromantic

This describes someone who experiences romantic attraction towards people of many, but not necessarily all, gender identities.

Sexual attraction

This attraction takes the form of the desire for intimately physical or sexual contact with someone.

Lust

This describes intense feelings of passion, desire, affection, or attraction toward someone.

Objective sexual

This type of attraction occurs when the majority of people consider someone sexually attractive, even if you personally don’t experience sexual attraction toward them.

Subjective sexual

This describes sexual feelings or the desire for sexual contact based on personal feelings and individual experiences that aren’t necessarily shared by the majority.

Subjective sexual attraction is often viewed as sexual chemistry that exists in a given relationship, connection, or interaction.

Physical attraction

This describes the desire for touch or to receive touch — not necessarily in a romantic or sexual way. For example, this can include hugging or kissing a family member or petting a dog.

Intimacy

This term describes physical, sexual, romantic, or emotional closeness between people in personal relationships of any kind.

Objective physical

This type of attraction occurs when the majority of people consider someone physically attractive, even if you personally don’t feel attraction around their physical appearance.

Subjective physical

This type of physical desire or admiration involves personal feelings and individual experiences that aren’t the most people don’t necessarily share.

Subjective physical attraction is often observable as physical chemistry that exists in a given relationship, connection, or interaction.

Sensual

Very similar to physical attraction, sensual attraction describes a desire to touch or receive touch that isn’t necessarily sexual in nature.

Aesthetic attraction

The ability to appreciate someone's beauty without feeling compelled or drawn to make romantic, sexual, or physical contact with them is known as aesthetic attraction.

It's possible that some aspects of visual appeal transfer to other kinds. For instance, you might find someone aesthetically pleasing yet also experience love or sexual attraction towards them because of the way they dress.

Some characterize the difference between aesthetic and other forms of attraction as something akin to the sensation one gets while viewing a stunning picture or verdant landscape.

The bottom line

It's exciting to feel physically drawn to someone, but the feeling is transient.

Developing strong emotional bonds with your partner is essential to ensuring the survival of your relationships during challenging times. And in the end, our lives have meaning because of our shared experiences.

According to Hellstein, "emotional attraction is significant because it's a sign of a strong bond and frequently occurs when someone feels fully seen and heard by someone."

Many people have experienced having fond feelings for someone but finding it difficult to pinpoint the precise feeling. They can ask themselves, "Am I physically attracted to them? Do I think highly of their intelligence or personality? Do I want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with them?

Understanding attraction can take some time and can be complicated. Recall that there is no one correct way to experience attraction, and that there is no superior or more legitimate approach.

You may better navigate the range of emotions that influence your interests, desires, boundaries, and relationships by broadening your understanding of attraction beyond romantic and sexual bounds.