What Are Sex Dreams?

Dreams with a sexual theme are known as sex dreams. These might be fantasies about having sex with someone else, engaging in sexual activity with them over the phone, or both. They may even be fantasies in which you engage in non-sexual interaction with someone and experience an orgasm.

On the reason we dream, researchers and dream interpreters can't always agree. Nonetheless, it is widely acknowledged that dreaming is healthy and that mending the mind and body depends on REM sleep, which is the sleep stage in which most dreams take place.

Types of Sex Dreams

Because sex is so broad, there are many different ways that sex dreams can manifest. Having sexual contact with another is common, but so is having other times of intimate contact such as kissing, cuddling, or sexual flirtation.

Common sex dreams include:

Pursuing someone sexually
Sexual intercourse
Sexual propositions
Sexual frustration
Kissing
Sex in public
Sexual fantasies
Masturbation
Sexual petting or “dry humping”
What Do Sex Dreams Mean?
Interpreting the meaning of dreams is not a one-size-fits-all process. However, all generally understand that dreams are not to be taken literally- they are usually symbolic and abstract. They tell us a bit about our subconscious while helping us work through stressors from our waking life.

Below are possible meanings of sex dreams:

1. Sex With a Stranger

A typical sexual dream involves engaging in sexual activity with an unknown individual. Perhaps the night before a business trip, you are having sex with a fellow traveler on a train or an airline.

Dreaming about having sex with a stranger does not necessarily indicate that you want to have sex right away. It might just be a sign that you are anxious about the journey you are about to take, and that stranger—who appeared composed and unflappable—may symbolize the bravery and fortitude you wish to bring with you.

2. Sex With a Boss or Teacher

Dreams involving having sex with a teacher or boss usually have less to do with sexual attraction and more to do with them having characteristics that you find attractive. It's possible that your supervisor is a respected and powerful figure. Or perhaps you wish you had more wit and your teacher is smart.

These dreams are generally typical, albeit they might make for an unpleasant morning at work or school the following day.

 3. Sex With an Ex

Dreams of having sex with one's ex are not uncommon, but few people acknowledge them because of the embarrassment they would cause and the fear of hurting their present spouse. It's typically not a sign that you miss your ex if you have sexual dreams about them! Conversely, it indicates that you are accepting the breakup of the relationship and growing increasingly comfortable with it.

However, if you find yourself dreaming about your ex often, it might indicate that you're not getting what you want from your present relationship, either sexually or romantically

4. Sex Dreams Involving BDSM

Dreaming about having BDSM sex might mean your mind is open to exploring areas of submission, dominance, and control. Dreaming about kinky sex is often a way of our mind telling us that we need to have more (or less) control in our life.

5. Cheating Sex Dreams

Regarding dreams as “wish fulfillments,” psychologist Sigmund Freud theorized that dreams represent our desires and what we would never admit to during waking hours.2

Since then, scientists have expanded their knowledge in dream research. Therefore, dreams about cheating do not mean that you want to cheat.

6. Sex With a Classmate or Colleague

Waking up from a sex dream with a classmate you have never thought of sexually and perhaps never really talked to can feel odd. But do not worry; this does not mean you have a secret crush on them.

Usually, having sex with someone you barely know, but might see often, means there is something about them that you would like to emulate. Perhaps they are strong, assertive, or kind- and you would like to be more of these things.

7. Sex With a Famous Person

Celebrities, public personalities, and even political figures are among the most prominent individuals in our society's news and media. They are therefore frequently a means for our imaginations to explore a sexual desire because of their easily accessible pictures.

If your dream involves a celebrity you're crushing on, this may be the reason. If the person is someone you do not find physically beautiful, there can be other aspects of them that you find appealing or intriguing.

8. Sex With Your Best Friend

It doesn't necessarily indicate we desire to have sexual intimacy with someone when we dream about having sex, even if that someone is a close friend. This individual is an excellent buddy since they probably have a lot of admirable traits. What you already know—that you like a lot about your closest friend—is confirmed when you dream about having sex with them!

9. Sex With Genders You Aren’t Attracted To

During our dreams, we can explore our relationships with others and how we feel about ourselves. Having sex with someone of the same gender if you identify as heterosexual is common and does not mean that you are questioning your sexuality. Likewise, if you are gay but have a dream about the opposite sex, this does not mean your sexuality was a phase.

Our dreams contain scenarios and images that are not created consciously or intentionally.

10. Dreams About Public Sex

Although it might seem odd, having public sex in a dream is common. The location of the sex is less important in a dream. What is important is the person you are having sex with, and what about that person is important or attractive to you.

11. Dream Where you Catch Your Partner Cheating

“What we see and experience in our dreams might not necessarily be real, but the emotions attached to these experiences certainly are.”4 Therefore, dreaming that your partner is cheating does not mean that you have cause for concern. Although, they can sometimes represent abandonment, trust issues, or feelings of betrayal.5

12. Sex With a Family Member

Don’t worry, this is normal! Sex dreams are not about sexual contact but the psychological connection with the person and the nature of the relationship.

Maybe your sibling or cousin has some personality trait or talent you envy. Your dream is telling you that. “Early life family relationships affect the sexuality in adulthood, and these influences might be reflected in sexual dreams.”6

Can You Stop Having Sex Dreams?

If you find sex dreams intrusive or uncomfortable, there might be some ways to decrease their frequency or even prevent them altogether. The best way to do this is to pay attention and reflect on the message behind the dream and why you are dreaming about this person. For example, if you dream about a strong political figure, this may mean you want to try being more assertive in your life.

Below are tips for managing dreams about sex:

Enjoy them: If they excite you and you enjoy it, allow it to happen. Sexuality is a positive thing and should not be shamed, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying harmless sex dreams.
Share with your partner: Some people find the thought of their partner being sexual with someone else alluring. You know your partner best, so proceed accordingly, but this could be a great way to grow and bond as a couple. It could also open the door to conversations about sexual enjoyment and new positions to try.
Take action: Since most sex dreams are about the desired qualities in the person in the dream, take note of the traits you admire. There may be something about them that you would like to display more of in yourself.
Practice stress management: Engaging in stress management can be helpful if your dream content is distressing or uncomfortable. Decreasing stress can help you improve sleep quality and improve overall life quality.
Heal your inner self: If you dream about other people and worry that it represents something unhealed in you, healing one’s inner child could be helpful. Looking at your history and paying attention to your inner child’s needs could help decrease the number of sex dreams.
If the dream seemed odd, think about its meaning: Psychologist Carl Jung believed that our dreams are a way for the unconscious part of us to come through in different ways, and our dreams can have many different symbolic meanings.7 Therefore, if the scenario seemed odd to you, perhaps you are looking at it all wrong, as the dream could have several meanings.
Have an orgasm before bed: Many people find that they have increased sex dreams when they are feeling sexually frustrated. Taking care of this before bed might help clear your mind and decrease dreaming about sex.

When to Seek Professional Help

In most cases, having a sex dream is not a cause for concern- it is normal. However, for those who find their dream content becoming distressing or uncomfortable, or if they are bringing up any repressed memories, it might be time to reach out for support.

In My Experience

I've found that having sexual dreams is rather common! I've discussed sexual dreams with friends a lot, and it's wonderful that younger generations are normalizing sex and aren't as ashamed of it. Nonetheless, there is still a great deal of stigma associated with sexuality, particularly for those who were reared and for those who saw inadequate models of healthy sexual behavior in their families.